The Valley of the Sun

Hello. This is a story about a player named Notch who wakes up to see the sun shining. Follow him on his adventures! Please give feedback on ways I can improve the story, what you liked, what you didn't like, etc.

Chapter 1: The Sun Shines
When Notch woke up, it was a beautiful day on Club Penguin. The snow was cold, the sky was blue, and the sun was shining. Notch immedately notified the Director of the problem. The Director was quite surprised to have been contacted. He called G and told him that the sun was shining. G assembled a team of the most skilled EPF agents: Dot, G, Notch, and the Director himself. Their mission? Find out why the sun was shining and report to the Director's office. After all, on CP, the sun never shines. The team, called SUN, followed the sun until they came across the lair of one Herbert P. Bear. The polar animal had no research, notes, or plans pertaining to the sun. Herbert, of course, was not there, and beacuse Herbert had other things to worry about, SUN crossed him off the suspect list. They continued to walk through the watery ice until they had found the Hill Hansbach...

Chapter 2: The Hill Hansbach
Hansbach was in many legends as the hill that led to the interior of Club Penguin. This was completely false. Hansbach is a very big, grassy hill. SUN had prepared for grassy areas. They all put on their cold suits and headed onto Hansbach. The landscape was covered in traps. One wrong move and a penguin was thrust into captivity. G hit an infared laser and Dot hit a tripwire, leaving Notch and the Director. They skillfully avoided all traps. The Director, however, missed the final jump, heading straight into the enemy's hands. Only Notch was left. Notch had a week's worth of food and water. Notch got a call on his spy phone. When he answered, G said, "The enemy is some kind of shadow. His name is Alder. He's coming. Save us! We're in the-" and the call ended. Notch had much to think about. Who is Alder? What did G mean by shadow? Where are the captives? But these would have to wait, because he now had to ascend Disney Mountain...

Chapter 3: Disney Mountain
Merrifield Mountain was renamed in 2 BD, when Disney bought Club Penguin. The Director's office is on the mountain. It is very steep and very snowy. The Director's office is inside. The snow was wet and slippery. Notch had to be careful as he approched the melting path to the Director's office. He knew he had to stop Alder fast, before all of Club Penguin melted! He almost slipped slipped on the last step to the Director's office, but he made it there. The Director keeps files on everything that happens in Club Penguin. He looked for files on Alder, but there were none! Just as he was ready to walk out, Alder himself came on the screen! Alder said, "Hello, Agent Notch. Wondering how I was able to avoid dectection by the PSA, the EPF, and [unintelligeble]? I would tell you, but then you would know. I have the Director and G locked up here. I can't tell you where I am. Don't trace this, by the way. My plans are to not tell you my real plan, because you would know. Goodbye, Notch." Notch traced the call, only to find out that the call traced to his exact location! Notch knew that if the admins found and traced the call, he would be banned. He ran out the door. A big challenge faced him. He had to ascend Disney Mountain. He got out his climbing gear and started to walk slowly up the snowy, wet, steep mountain. If you think that it was hard, you're wrong. It's VERY hard. If he slipped, he'd go back to Hansbach, into one of the traps. Alder would be very happy if that happened. He thought about that, then started to go as fast as he could without slipping. Eventually, he climbed up the mountain. He then slid down, directly into the Valley of the Sun...

Chapter 4: The Valley of the Sun
Coming soon

Interesting Story! Seems like a good one! Will look forward to more .

That's an 8/10 from me. Hello, Port-A-Build! As you write more stories, you'll be seeing more of me - in a way I'm the unofficial Club Penguin story reviewer. But nevermind that, let's skip to what I thought of it, shall we?

The first thing I noticed was the fact you said 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue, the sun was shining'. Some people do this differently than others, but I personally would have written 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue and the sun was shining'. Another thing I would say is that you should normally make chapters at least two paragraphs in length. But really that's up to you. Also, you said 'they continued until they had found the Hill Hansbach...'. In my Guide to Writing Stories, I said that you should mention the transition of location - how did they get there? By car? On foot? With Jet Pack Guy's jet pack? In Chapter Two you said 'G hit an infrared laser, Dot hit a tripwire'. I would have said 'G hit an infrared laser and Dot hit a tripwire'. Finally, I have never seen a grassy hill on a snow-covered island . Apart from that, interesting story and a good plot.

In the meantime, you should read the Guide to Writing Stories [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

If you want to, you can check out my new CP story, 'Mystery of the Pizza Parlour' at [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Ccpenguin8 wrote:That's an 8/10 from me. Hello, Port-A-Build! As you write more stories, you'll be seeing more of me - in a way I'm the unofficial Club Penguin story reviewer. But nevermind that, let's skip to what I thought of it, shall we?

The first thing I noticed was the fact you said 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue, the sun was shining'. Some people do this differently than others, but I personally would have written 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue and the sun was shining'. Another thing I would say is that you should normally make chapters at least two paragraphs in length. But really that's up to you. Also, you said 'they continued until they had found the Hill Hansbach...'. In my Guide to Writing Stories, I said that you should mention the transition of location - how did they get there? By car? On foot? With Jet Pack Guy's jet pack? In Chapter Two you said 'G hit an infrared laser, Dot hit a tripwire'. I would have said 'G hit an infrared laser and Dot hit a tripwire'. Finally, I have never seen a grassy hill on a snow-covered island . Apart from that, interesting story and a good plot.

In the meantime, you should read the Guide to Writing Stories [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

If you want to, you can check out my new CP story, 'Mystery of the Pizza Parlour' at [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Nice story, Im waiting for the next chapter!

P.S

Most people don't really care if they do grammar mistakes while typing on the computer. That's the point anyway. When at school or anywhere else, people urge you to have correct grammar. At least, in the computer, you're free to type anything you want! So maybe you can PM people their mistakes or something

Gotchee wrote:

Ccpenguin8 wrote:That's an 8/10 from me. Hello, Port-A-Build! As you write more stories, you'll be seeing more of me - in a way I'm the unofficial Club Penguin story reviewer. But nevermind that, let's skip to what I thought of it, shall we?

The first thing I noticed was the fact you said 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue, the sun was shining'. Some people do this differently than others, but I personally would have written 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue and the sun was shining'. Another thing I would say is that you should normally make chapters at least two paragraphs in length. But really that's up to you. Also, you said 'they continued until they had found the Hill Hansbach...'. In my Guide to Writing Stories, I said that you should mention the transition of location - how did they get there? By car? On foot? With Jet Pack Guy's jet pack? In Chapter Two you said 'G hit an infrared laser, Dot hit a tripwire'. I would have said 'G hit an infrared laser and Dot hit a tripwire'. Finally, I have never seen a grassy hill on a snow-covered island . Apart from that, interesting story and a good plot.

In the meantime, you should read the Guide to Writing Stories [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

If you want to, you can check out my new CP story, 'Mystery of the Pizza Parlour' at [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Nice story, Im waiting for the next chapter!

P.S

Most people don't really care if they do grammar mistakes while typing on the computer. That's the point anyway. When at school or anywhere else, people urge you to have correct grammar. At least, in the computer, you're free to type anything you want!

1) I'm not a slave trader, I don't force people to use correct grammar. But, correct grammar is something that I ENCOURAGE, especially since low quality posts with bad grammar are spammy. I hope you understand now.

2) Not all of it was about grammar.

Ccpenguin8 wrote:That's an 8/10 from me. Hello, Port-A-Build! As you write more stories, you'll be seeing more of me - in a way I'm the unofficial Club Penguin story reviewer. But nevermind that, let's skip to what I thought of it, shall we?

The first thing I noticed was the fact you said 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue, the sun was shining'. Some people do this differently than others, but I personally would have written 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue and the sun was shining'. Another thing I would say is that you should normally make chapters at least two paragraphs in length. But really that's up to you. Also, you said 'they continued until they had found the Hill Hansbach...'. In my Guide to Writing Stories, I said that you should mention the transition of location - how did they get there? By car? On foot? With Jet Pack Guy's jet pack? In Chapter Two you said 'G hit an infrared laser, Dot hit a tripwire'. I would have said 'G hit an infrared laser and Dot hit a tripwire'. Finally, I have never seen a grassy hill on a snow-covered island . Apart from that, interesting story and a good plot.

In the meantime, you should read the Guide to Writing Stories [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

If you want to, you can check out my new CP story, 'Mystery of the Pizza Parlour' at [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Thanks for your input! I did fix the grammatical errors, and the grassy hill is intentional, I will make that more clear.

Port_A_Build wrote:

Ccpenguin8 wrote:That's an 8/10 from me. Hello, Port-A-Build! As you write more stories, you'll be seeing more of me - in a way I'm the unofficial Club Penguin story reviewer. But nevermind that, let's skip to what I thought of it, shall we?

The first thing I noticed was the fact you said 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue, the sun was shining'. Some people do this differently than others, but I personally would have written 'the snow was cold, the sky was blue and the sun was shining'. Another thing I would say is that you should normally make chapters at least two paragraphs in length. But really that's up to you. Also, you said 'they continued until they had found the Hill Hansbach...'. In my Guide to Writing Stories, I said that you should mention the transition of location - how did they get there? By car? On foot? With Jet Pack Guy's jet pack? In Chapter Two you said 'G hit an infrared laser, Dot hit a tripwire'. I would have said 'G hit an infrared laser and Dot hit a tripwire'. Finally, I have never seen a grassy hill on a snow-covered island . Apart from that, interesting story and a good plot.

In the meantime, you should read the Guide to Writing Stories [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

If you want to, you can check out my new CP story, 'Mystery of the Pizza Parlour' at [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Thanks for your input! I did fix the grammatical errors, and the grassy hill is intentional, I will make that more clear.

Okay, great. You're welcome.