Dance Lounge Snowball Fight! (Story)

I wrote this Club Penguin story a few years ago, and I just found it on my computer so I wanted to show it to you guys! Here it is:



“I’m Blue”! Mango shouted exitedly. She got ready to do her top secret super fast snowball throw. Ever since she learned the trick, she never lost a snowball fight. She was so exited when the snowball target game was put in the dance lounge! She was playing against the second best snowball thrower on the island, Flippers. They had been rivals ever since they had a snowball fight when Flippers first moved to Club Penguin. Mango quickly put on her blue wig, blue shirt, and her favorite blue fuzzy boots. That was her lucky outfit. She wore it for all her matches. She saw the monitor above the game display numbers. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... GO! She quickly threw all her snowballs, and they were soaring through the air. She saw the numbers on the scoreboard quickly rise. She was winning! Wait! No! Flippers was winning! Now she was winning again! The crowd went wild. When time was up, they both nervously stared at the monitor. They saw it display huge red and blue letters.... IT’S A TIE!!!! Mango and Flippers were confused. “Does this game even have ties?” Mango asked. “I’ve never gotten one” Flippers awnserd. Mango suddenly realized the truth. Her winning streak was over! They both lost! She ran out of the room and diddi’nt stop until she was inside her igloo with the door locked. She decided she would never throw a snowball again. She changed into her pajamas and went to sleep, even know it was only 4:00. She dreamed about what she could do instead or snowball throwing. She could’nt imagine herself doing anything else. At about 7:00, she heard a knock on her door. She got out of bed and dragged herself over to awnser it. “Hi Mango! Why did you leave so early?” Said her best freind, Jojo. “I lost! For the first time!” Mango cried. “Well don’t be sad now! Change out of your pajamas and follow me!” Jojo said with happiness. Mango decided to stay in her comfy pajamas, and Jojo wrapped a blue blindfold around her eyes. Next, she grabbed Mango’s hand and led her somewhere. A few minutes later, Mango was standing in what felt like an empty room. “Take your blindfold off!” Jojo shouted. “SUPRISE!!!!!” Was the first thing mango heard. She looked around. All her freinds, her puffles, and what seemed to be evreyone on club penguin was standing in the snow forts. Even Flippers was there! There was a big banner hanging on the clock that said: “HAPPY 10 YEAR WINNING STREAK!!!!!” During the party, Aunt Arctic waddled up to Mango. “You’re Aunt Arctic!”Mango joyfully screamed. “Yes I am! And I am here to congratulate you on having the longest winning streak in the history of Club Penguin!” Aunt Arctic said happily. Mango got a huge gold trophy with her name on it. She was thinking about going back to snowball fighting when Flippers shouted: “SNOWBALL FIGHT!!!!!!!!” Suddenly, evreyone was throwing snowballs. “Why are you doing this?” Mango asked angrily. “To get ahead of you and win the trophy!” Flippers said with an evil laugh. Mango had to stop this. She threw hundreds of snowballs at Flippers. She hoped that she was in the lead. She had worked hard to win this trophy and she deserved it. A few minutes later, Jojo stood on top of the fort and yelled: “STOP!” Evreyone stared at her. “This tie thing is just a silly little fight. You guys did not both lose, You both won!” She said proudly. So, Mango is still in the lead, and Flippers is still in second.” Mango never thought of it this way. She decided to just have things go back to normal. Pretending none of this ever happend, she shouted: “PARTY IN MY IGLOO!”

nice story! 8/10

Excellent story! I give it a 9.5/10. I loved how it was all a misunderstanding and they both won.

Wow! Amazing story! I'm lame at writing Club Penguin stories, but this is a masterpiece!
I can't wait to see Ccpenguin's opinion on that!

Nice story! Im giving it a 9/10

Maybe you should consider writing more stories like that in thefuture, you're pretty good

JackPirate45 wrote:Wow! Amazing story! I'm lame at writing Club Penguin stories, but this is a masterpiece!
I can't wait to see Ccpenguin's opinion on that!

..and you're about to get it.

My opinion on it was that it was a very good and imaginative story, with a problem (the misunderstanding) and a happy ending/resolution at the end. But, I'm afraid it only scores a 7/10 with me since the grammar was a bit lacking in some places. No offense. For instance, at the start you put an exclamation mark outside the speech marks, which you shouldn't do. You also need to end dialogue with a comma, exclamation mark, question mark or full stop before you close the speech marks. Remember to keep spelling accurate and to follow the most important piece of advice I can ever give you: write in paragraphs. It is one of the key points in my Guide to Writing Stories. If you don't seperate your story into paragraphs and do new speaker, new line then it honestly won't look that good and it is difficult to read.

But apart from your grammar, it was a very good story. Well done and remember to read my guide next time. Don't take offense at any of this, this is just my advice to you.

Ccpenguin

Ccpenguin8 wrote:

JackPirate45 wrote:Wow! Amazing story! I'm lame at writing Club Penguin stories, but this is a masterpiece!
I can't wait to see Ccpenguin's opinion on that!

..and you're about to get it.

My opinion on it was that it was a very good and imaginative story, with a problem (the misunderstanding) and a happy ending/resolution at the end. But, I'm afraid it only scores a 7/10 with me since the grammar was a bit lacking in some places. No offense. For instance, at the start you put an exclamation mark outside the speech marks, which you shouldn't do. You also need to end dialogue with a comma, exclamation mark, question mark or full stop before you close the speech marks. Remember to keep spelling accurate and to follow the most important piece of advice I can ever give you: write in paragraphs. It is one of the key points in my Guide to Writing Stories. If you don't seperate your story into paragraphs and do new speaker, new line then it honestly won't look that good and it is difficult to read.

But apart from your grammar, it was a very good story. Well done and remember to read my guide next time. Don't take offense at any of this, this is just my advice to you.

Ccpenguin

I know! I actually wrote this a couple of years ago, and my spelling is probably a little better now. I forgot to edit it before I posted it. I read your guide and I will use it next time I make a story!

Mango Smango wrote:

Ccpenguin8 wrote:

JackPirate45 wrote:Wow! Amazing story! I'm lame at writing Club Penguin stories, but this is a masterpiece!
I can't wait to see Ccpenguin's opinion on that!

..and you're about to get it.

My opinion on it was that it was a very good and imaginative story, with a problem (the misunderstanding) and a happy ending/resolution at the end. But, I'm afraid it only scores a 7/10 with me since the grammar was a bit lacking in some places. No offense. For instance, at the start you put an exclamation mark outside the speech marks, which you shouldn't do. You also need to end dialogue with a comma, exclamation mark, question mark or full stop before you close the speech marks. Remember to keep spelling accurate and to follow the most important piece of advice I can ever give you: write in paragraphs. It is one of the key points in my Guide to Writing Stories. If you don't seperate your story into paragraphs and do new speaker, new line then it honestly won't look that good and it is difficult to read.

But apart from your grammar, it was a very good story. Well done and remember to read my guide next time. Don't take offense at any of this, this is just my advice to you.

Ccpenguin

I know! I actually wrote this a couple of years ago, and my spelling is probably a little better now. I forgot to edit it before I posted it. I read your guide and I will use it next time I make a story!

Okay, great. But there is one little thing: the snowball game in the Dance Lounge was added about a year ago, I think.